I saw hope revive—and felt regeneration possible. From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea—bluer than the sky: the old world was beyond; clear prospects opened thus:—. You may take the maniac with you to England; confine her with due attendance and precautions at Thornfield: then travel yourself to what clime you will, and form what new tie you like. That woman, who has so abused your long-suffering, so sullied your name, so outraged your honour, so blighted your youth, is not your wife, nor are you her husband. See that she is cared for as her condition demands, and you have done all that God and humanity require of you.
Let her identity, her connection with yourself, be buried in oblivion: you are bound to impart them to no living being. Place her in safety and comfort: shelter her degradation with secrecy, and leave her. El viaje, con tal monstruo en el buque, fue lo horrible que puedes suponer.
Fairfax debe de haber sospechado algo, pero no ha podido averiguar los hechos concretamente. Grace ha probado ser una buena guardiana, aunque en ocasiones ha tenido descuidos, como el que produjo el incendio de mi cuarto. Doy gracias a la Providencia, que hizo que la demente descargase su furia en tu velo de boda, porque Dios sabe lo que pudo haber ocurrido.
My father and brother had not made my marriage known to their acquaintance; because, in the very first letter I wrote to apprise them of the union—having already begun to experience extreme disgust of its consequences, and, from the family character and constitution, seeing a hideous future opening to me—I added an urgent charge to keep it secret: and very soon the infamous conduct of the wife my father had selected for me was such as to make him blush to own her as his daughter-in-law.
Far from desiring to publish the connection, he became as anxious to conceal it as myself. I had some trouble in finding an attendant for her, as it was necessary to select one on whose fidelity dependence could be placed; for her ravings would inevitably betray my secret: besides, she had lucid intervals of days—sometimes weeks—which she filled up with abuse of me. Fairfax may indeed have suspected something, but she could have gained no precise knowledge as to facts.
Grace has, on the whole, proved a good keeper; though, owing partly to a fault of her own, of which it appears nothing can cure her, and which is incident to her harassing profession, her vigilance has been more than once lulled and baffled. On the first of these occasions, she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed; on the second, she paid that ghastly visit to you.
I thank Providence, who watched over you, that she then spent her fury on your wedding apparel, which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her own bridal days: but on what might have happened, I cannot endure to reflect. Where did you go? Where did I go? I pursued wanderings as wild as those of the March-spirit. I sought the Continent, and went devious through all its lands. It was not my original intention to deceive, as I have deceived you.
I meant to tell my tale plainly, and make my proposals openly: and it appeared to me so absolutely rational that I should be considered free to love and be loved, I never doubted some woman might be found willing and able to understand my case and accept me, in spite of the curse with which I was burdened. No imagines que buscaba un ideal perfecto de cuerpo y de alma. How did you proceed?
What came of such an event? La siguieron otras dos: Giacinta, que era italiana, y Clara, alemana, ambas consideradas como beldades. Clara era honrada y tranquila, pero de corta inteligencia y escasa sensibilidad. Usted habla de ello como de una cosa sin importancia.
For ten long years I roved about, living first in one capital, then another: sometimes in St. Petersburg; oftener in Paris; occasionally in Rome, Naples, and Florence. Provided with plenty of money and the passport of an old name, I could choose my own society: no circles were closed against me. I could not find her.
Sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I thought I caught a glance, heard a tone, beheld a form, which announced the realisation of my dream: but I was presently undeserved. You are not to suppose that I desired perfection, either of mind or person. I longed only for what suited me—for the antipodes of the Creole: and I longed vainly. Amongst them all I found not one whom, had I been ever so free, I—warned as I was of the risks, the horrors, the loathings of incongruous unions—would have asked to marry me.
Disappointment made me reckless. I tried dissipation—never debauchery: that I hated, and hate. Any enjoyment that bordered on riot seemed to approach me to her and her vices, and I eschewed it. You already know what she was, and how my liaison with her terminated. She had two successors: an Italian, Giacinta, and a German, Clara; both considered singularly handsome.
What was their beauty to me in a few weeks? Giacinta was unprincipled and violent: I tired of her in three months. Clara was honest and quiet; but heavy, mindless, and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste. I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and so get decently rid of her.
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But, Jane, I see by your face you are not forming a very favourable opinion of me just now. Veo que me repruebas. Pero vamos al final.
En el camino de Hay vi una figurilla sentada. Did it not seem to you in the least wrong to live in that way, first with one mistress and then another? You talk of it as a mere matter of course. It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it.
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Hiring a mistress is the next worse thing to buying a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and to live familiarly with inferiors is degrading. I felt the truth of these words; and I drew from them the certain inference, that if I were so far to forget myself and all the teaching that had ever been instilled into me, as—under any pretext—with any justification—through any temptation—to become the successor of these poor girls, he would one day regard me with the same feeling which now in his mind desecrated their memory.
I did not give utterance to this conviction: it was enough to feel it. I impressed it on my heart, that it might remain there to serve me as aid in the time of trial. La voz de Mrs.
Fairfax que te diera algo que hacer: las cuentas de la casa, o cosa parecida. You are looking grave. You disapprove of me still, I see. But let me come to the point. Last January, rid of all mistresses—in a harsh, bitter frame of mind, the result of a useless, roving, lonely life—corroded with disappointment, sourly disposed against all men, and especially against all womankind for I began to regard the notion of an intellectual, faithful, loving woman as a mere dream , recalled by business, I came back to England.
Mi Corazón Ganó Perdiendo (Spanish Edition)
I expected no peace—no pleasure there. On a stile in Hay Lane I saw a quiet little figure sitting by itself. I passed it as negligently as I did the pollard willow opposite to it: I had no presentiment of what it would be to me; no inward warning that the arbitress of my life—my genius for good or evil—waited there in humble guise. Childish and slender creature! It seemed as if a linnet had hopped to my foot and proposed to bear me on its tiny wing. I was surly; but the thing would not go: it stood by me with strange perseverance, and looked and spoke with a sort of authority.
I must be aided, and by that hand: and aided I was. Ibas humildemente vestida, como ahora No mostrabas enojo ni sorpresa por mis salidas de tono y me contemplabas sonriendo de cuando en cuando con una gracia a la vez profunda y sencilla que no acierto a describir. Sin embargo, durante mucho tiempo me mantuve distante de ti y te vi pocas veces. Tu rostro se suavizaba, se dulcificaba tu acento; mi nombre, pronunciado por tus labios, tomaba sonidos agradables. Sus palabras me atormentaban. It was well I had learnt that this elf must return to me—that it belonged to my house down below—or I could not have felt it pass away from under my hand, and seen it vanish behind the dim hedge, without singular regret.
I heard you come home that night, Jane, though probably you were not aware that I thought of you or watched for you.
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